Sadness Knows the Way…

Back to Joy

We watched the movie Inside Out for the second time last night.

For those who have not seen it, it is set inside the mind of an 11-year old girl named Riley, who is uprooted from her Midwest home when her dad gets a job in San Francisco. Her emotions– joy, anger, sadness, disgust and fear conflict on how to best navigate a new city, house and school.

Leo absolutely fell in love with anger. So quick-witted, openly expressive and confident.

Finn was quiet.

I imagined as a 9-year old boy with ADHD, it must have been somewhat relieving to visualize the multitude of conflicting emotions that often get set off simultaneously in reaction to a singular event.

But I will ask him. Because perhaps that is not what he was thinking at all.

I know it made me feel a little less crazy.

Joe and I were both struck by the inevitable crushing losses that accompany growing up. Loss of confidence, emotional compass, trust in friendships, equality and possibly worst of all the general sense that maybe things will not be okay.

It doesn’t matter, that as adults, we know every loss we are willing to live through, (rather than ignore) brings gain.

Every time we are torn down allows us to rebuild with something new– more empathy, a deeper sense of purpose, a more vulnerable commitment to love…

To go through any one of these losses is brutal.

This is why, in the movie, Joy runs around trying to prevent Sadness from ruining happy moments, from hijacking fun. She tries her absolute hardest to infuse optimism and inject positivity where fear and loss and difficulty arise.

She puts Sadness in a circle and tells her to stay there and read manuals on how the how the Train of Thought works and Imagination Station and other critical brain functions.

This makes Sadness feel confused, unwanted– worthless. She does not mean to be heavy, overwhelming and down.

However, Joy is not always wrong to be circumventing Sadness.

There are times when stray blue thoughts threaten to sabotage our good time and we need to be shut them down.

Like random strangers offering candy.

No thank you.

But when there is an aching in our soul or a fracture in our heart, the more Joy tries to edge it out, the more anxious and disassociated we become. The more likely we are (for certain I am) to misdirect the sadness into impatience, irritation or anger.

This is exactly what happens to Riley.

And Joy is powerless.

She cannot help her until… she accidentally sees the flip side of an old memory she had thought was pure joy. When she looks inside it, she sees the memory actually began as disappointment and hurt.

And only through Riley’s crying, her parents’ consolation and her acknowledgment of sadness was the moment healed to allow for joy.

Towards the end of the movie Joy makes a critical realization.

Joy needs Sadness.

She realizes as fun and uplifting as she is, Sadness intuitively knows what must be felt to truly be free to feel joy. And genuine joy cannot be reached through by smothering pain with positivity.