Velocity is Not the Answer…

to Complexity. –David Whyte

My relationship with this truth is turbulent.

It mocks me, consoles me, irritates, comforts, buoys, plagues and harkens me like a moth to light.

A small but very strong part of me thinks how absurd! Of course velocity is the answer! How the heck else is it all going to get done.

It all applies to the complex hairball of everything.

Everything ranges from laundry, writing, chauffeuring, cooking and being loved to having fun (HA, like that happens in this scenario BUT it is on the to do list so…) calling sick in-laws, school meetings, new business development and the unending universally idiosyncratic list everyone has. Even this sentence has left me out-of-breath and less relaxed.

In this temporary state of insanity I walk around like a psychotic little drill sergeant barking out orders and telling people we don’t have much time.

Let’s go, go, go!

It warms the heart of those around me, probably the same way it did for me growing up– that sweet ticking bomb tension of imminent parental implosion.

Luckily, I succumb to this relentlessly driving, accomplishment-obsessed craziness only occasionally. This is not because I am so evolved (though I do like to think I’m making some progress:).

It is because right after I have behaved poorly I become panicked that I have just lost half an hour or an hour or a morning before school and what if this was the last? Or what if I have ruined their day? Or made it less than it was otherwise going to be?

This consumes me.

I have come very close to pulling our boys out of school to apologize and make them ice cream sundaes at 10am because what could they possibly be doing at school that’s more important. But it seems a bit self-serving so I wait till pick-up.

This fast and furious approach to getting it all done in the morning is unsustainable, unrewarding and has the ironic, boomerang effect of actually slowing everything down. More importantly, no one, including me, enjoys it.

But, it’s a lighthouse in my speed storm.

It warns me that I’ve taken on too much. And reminds me that when I say NO where my instinct tells me too, it enables me to say YES to myself and my family.

But it’s SUPER easy to fall back because anti-speed is counter-culture.

Velocity is the socially accepted IT drug of the 21^st century.

Our culture thrives and survives on speed. People become disappointed if your productivity wanes or your efficiency falters.

I can’t do any more is practically a statement of self-indulgent laziness. What, you can’t suck it up? Pull your weight? Sacrifice for the greater good?

MORE is the new and improved path to integrity.

The more you work, donate, help, give, volunteer, sign up for, contribute to, cook, work-out… the list is endless. The more you do– the better person you are.

Of course, there is little of you left.

BUT, that’s less of you to be aware that perhaps you are over-tired, over-scheduled or under-inspired. Plus, the outer applause feels good, people cheering you on, patting you on the back.

AND, there’s the added advantage that you don’t have to think about the fear or emptiness that may be driving it all.

People will tell you, you’re amazing. Incredible. A veritable tour de force!

And you are. We all are. Without doing a thing.