Community Is The Answer

The question is how do we show up?

Each of us is a member of some community. Most of us are members of many.

I’d always kind of prided myself on the fact I am not really a “joiner”, not really a “group thinker”. Not the type of parent to be on the PTA or in a book club or attending big dinner parties.

However, although I am an absolute introvert, I did receive ninja like extrovert training growing up. So, since I am more than capable of being out there, I’ve always thought it’s rather lazy and irresponsible of me to stay in here.

BUT, being around lots of people gives me anxiety.

It drains my energy and makes me feel like I have somehow betrayed myself.

This is true, even when it comes to social events. I’m not a big drinker, not a big partier and not good at staying up late. However, I love to talk, laugh, play and go out for long fun-filled dinners with people I love.

It’s taken me a long time to not feel lame for being different.

The same holds true for volunteering at our children’s school. I thought either you do what you see everyone else doing to help or sit back and be the uninvolved parent. I didn’t really see an alternative.

Unfortunately, I’m bad at group oriented PTA planning, bad at being class mom, bad at baking, fundraising and organizing committees.

I assumed what I had to offer wouldn’t really be useful to any community. What they really needed was for me to be somebody else.

And then one day someone asked if I’d lead the Enrichment Program.

A perfect solo vigilante job in which I get to weave action drama reading comprehension, poetry, mindful awareness and world cultures into the school’s curriculum.

It was a like a dream. A way to give back that actually feels good.

So, what does it mean to show up?

I used to think it meant doing big things in big ways. If you couldn’t show up at 150%, why bother.

It’s taken me a long time to realize that I don’t have to be there for everything. I don’t have to be the biggest contributor. I can contribute in small ways, my ways. The more genuine and heartfelt the gift the better it feels to give AND receive.

Often, it’s the simple, quiet gestures that make the difference.

It’s helping a dear divorced friend move into her new place. It’s bringing oranges to a lacrosse game. It’s taking photos of my friends’ kids at field day and sending them.

It’s showing up at the 5K Memorial of our boys’ schoolmate Annie Curtin, who would have been 11 this year and donating. It’s bearing witness to the hundreds of people there to remember her and honor her courageous family.

It’s humbling to be a part of something so utterly drenched in love and grace.

I did not run with the group. I came home to dedicate my 5-mile run to her and her brave, resilient, beautiful family because I wanted my energy to be pure, not scattered. And I get overwhelmed running in crowds.

I have run many times over the past five years praying for Annie, her parents and sisters– crying at all the green ribbons strung around mailboxes and telephone poles, trees and signposts.

A couple of years went by and part of me I felt angry that the ribbons were fading. I wanted them to have to stand up to time the way her family had do. And at the same time, I hoped that the lighter they got, the more her far too short life would outshine her far too early death.

What is community?

A collection of individually offered love.