A Linguistical Void of Abstract Grief

Pointing to Saudade

In Portuguese, the word Suadade describes a kind of overwhelming melancholic nostalgia for something deeply loved either from the past or the future. It is a physical, emotional and spiritual suffering born of intense desire.

It can be a specific person, place or thing but it can also be a deep yearning for that which cannot be tangibly known. A haunting feeling that something is not whole; a vital piece is missing.

We have no equivalent word in English.

Even this rough translation cobbled together from at least ten different sources is a flimsy substitute for the feeling it describes. It is best understood through the mournful, passionate, intense songs of their people.

But I do believe we have the feeling. We have just not known what to call it.

Abstract Grief sounds like either an uncurated sentimentalized art form or some idiosyncratic narcissistic new therapeutic label.

Either way, self-absorbed and lame.

BUT, the actual experience is anything but that.

In her newest book, Rising Strong, Brene Brown dimensionalizes grief amongst her research groups this way:

“While death and separation are tangible losses associated with grief, some of the participants described losses that are more difficult to identify or describe.

These included a loss of normality, the loss of what could be, the loss of what we thought we knew or understood about something or someone.”

Outwardly invisible losses.

I think often these kinds of losses do not reach our awareness because we have not been given the language with which to articulate them.

That, and in our western culture we like concrete examples with action plans.

We aren’t so tolerant of grey emotions.

They make us suspect, dubious– impatient.

We value fortitude, resilience and a good ending. Long winding roads make us crazy. Personally, I am a hug fan of any emotional short-cut offered.

And yet, sometimes there just aren’t any.

At least having the language to name it allows it room to be and transform.