Spinning in Possibility

Every now and then I have to have a serious intervention with myself.

A come to Jesus in which I sit myself down and say, Woman, seriously, not everything can be as insanely, unsolvably, unwinnably challenging as you think.

I get caught up in looking at my ‘Important List of Life Issues’ and before long it turns into an obsessive-compulsive state of the union crisis.

I examine fun-loving topics like the (immeasurable) caliber of our children’s education, our (lack of) retirement savings, our (minimal) college fund, my (scattered) creative accomplishments, my (somewhat intense) parenting and more.

These interventions are best orchestrated on vacation.

And the earlier, the better.

First, because relaxing is one of the most stressful things I try to do. So, it is imperative that I clear out all other stressors first. It is crucial to confront myself early in the trip. The plane or car ride there is best.

The sooner I get a grip on my free-floating (completely useless) fears about the variety of above topics, the sooner I can engage in meaningful family conversation… like how the orange-tipped shells look like they were dipped in hot sauce.

I forget about the true value of playful dialogue.

Far greater peace of mind can be accomplished talking about shells than in the umpteenth analysis of when we can find time to incorporate mindful awareness into our family’s morning routine.

Far greater intelligence can be gathered from a shell discussion than whether the Great Schools ranking system is a socio-economic measurement of test-taking aptitude more than a reflection of the teachers or a school.

But my default is maximum problem-solving efficiency per minutes awake.

So, I have to remind myself about the radically unintuitive truth that I get ten times more accomplished playing, creating and inspiring my imagination that I ever do working on solving a problem.

More often than not my work involves testing out a wide variety of hypothetical possibilities, emailing people for their opinions, waiting impatiently for their response, considering the pros and cons of all choices and getting overwhelmed.

In the end, my conclusions are rarely definitive.

And the more effort I’ve put in, the more fear of loss I have about having not made the right decision. I hit rewind and playback and find new key pieces of information that put my decision into serious question.

It borders on insanity.

Not to mention, after I’ve burned through the frenetic energy it takes to tackle whatever Herculean task I have embarked on, I feel the crushing weight of bogus effort.

It dawns on me that I have again fallen prey to my false belief that if I do more; work harder, I will finally feel at peace, feel worthwhile, feel like I have done enough. It is disheartening to my spirit. Here’s the truth…

False beliefs form spiritual cellulite.