A New “To Do”

Reinventing the Day

I’ve always thought of silver linings as a positive way of reacting to something bad that’s happened–a search for possible good in an otherwise bad situation– the hopeful side to gloom and doom. We are big fans of silver linings in our family.

Every day is like a scavenger hunt for them.

We accept whatever difficulty comes our way.

But we reject the idea that it’s entirely bad.

And a funny thing happens when we look for the good. Often it becomes much more compelling, intriguing and triumphant because it is hidden from plain sight. Because it is disguised beneath outwardly dismal circumstances.

Silver lings offer something exponentially better than straight ahead good news.

They offer the opportunity to build resilience and emotional flexibility.

There is however, nothing more annoying than people who point out silver linings before fully acknowledging the letdown.

Whenever someone asks me to look at the upside before they’ve offered a little empathy on the down, I feel manipulated, unheard and more likely to fake-smile and fire up my best sarcastic response.

I try to keep this in mind when speaking with our boys, even when we are seriously pressed for time. But it’s hard.

Emotional latitude requires time, unless…

You pave the day with silver linings.

Sort of like finding solutions before there are problems. A pre-emptive flare. Proactive assist– like taking emotional vitamins before you get overwhelmed with despair.

In one way, we already approach the day this way. Each morning we set an intention for the day and both boys have agreed that it helps safeguard against seeing certain situations from only one side.

It doesn’t take away the frustration when bad things happen.

But it does offer an alternate perspective.

Equally important, it causes good things to happen.

So it’s not just about counterbalancing the bad; it’s about generating the good. As I was thinking about my list “To Do” last week, it occurred to me that I don’t really want to do it. Any of it.

Obviosuly, it’s grueling and tedious– demanding perseverance, efficiency and energy levels best fueled by triple espressos and chocolate.

Sure, it feels like a bottleneck of boredom.

And it has a cumulatively deadening effect.

But it’s not like the list is arbitrary or optional.

I usually don’t entertain such useless backtalk from myself. Especially when it pertains to crucial life details like food, summer camps, new business pitches and plumbing issues. It all needs to get done.

Or does it?

In the long run– sure. But not all these things can be at level 10 every day. And usually I just tack on half of each list to the next day anyway, because people don’t call back, options change, kids get sick, dates cancel, meetings get switched, etc.

So, why do I run around like a manic squirrel? Because I choose to frenetic under the pretense it is productive.

But, what if I didn’t?

What if I revamped my “To Do” list?

Isn’t that what we do when things aren’t working? Change them. If regularly devouring a pound of roasted almonds is leaving me feeling a little thick around the middle, I devise an alternate plan.

So what’s not working about my “To Do”?

There’s too much on it. And nothing is inspiring or fun.

So, this past week I made two radical revisions.

First, my list can now have no more than seven items on it. And, because my fear of underachieving leads me to do crafty, conniving, undermining things, I add a subsidiary rule that there can be no follow-up items or multi-steps in the original list of seven.

Second, and this revision is even more radical.

Three out of the seven items have to inspire, delight or comfort me. This means they need to either make me smile, exhale, get tingly or relax my shoulders.

So before you step into this coming week, before you create your big “To Do”, is there anything new you’d like to do?

It’s YOUR list. Are YOU on it?