All In!

Our New Rally Cry

We have always been the kind of family that believes in doing whatever we do wholeheartedly! Off to the races! Both feet in. Fervor unceasing. But schedules get overloaded. The fog of overwhelm creeps in.

And without even being aware of it, fear takes hold.

The focus of what if shifts from what if we did something wildly inspiring to what if it takes too much time, doesn’t work and eats into the kids college fund? Shifts from what if we go for it to what if we think it through more thoroughly?

It happens in the name of prudence, common sense and responsible decision-making. In the name of being a grown-up, a parent, a conscientious citizen.

Nothing could be more crushing, deflating and deadening.

It is the land where dreams go to die.

This is the opposite of all in!

My dad, Richard Chafin Coveny was the bandleader of all in. As I mentioned in my last post he passed away two weeks ago and though his incarnation is gone, his spirit remains strong.

He left behind a resounding chorus of faith in what is possible.

A belief that we can manifest our visions… realize our dreams.

He loved being a cheerleader of anyone’s dream as long as she or he was willing to be all in. To give 100%. Hold nothing back.

If you were all in, he’d do anything to help you. His fearless, all-encompassing faith was radically inspiring. Mildly daunting, but inevitably empowering.

I could not have foreseen how much I would miss this.

I have big dreams and big doubts.

Endless faith and endless insecurities.

And sometimes, the dark side looks to be winning. It’s easier to say why things won’t work. To list out the reasons why my dream is too big, too complicated, too overloaded, has too many obstacles. Why I am totally unqualified to do it.

But if not me, who? It is, after all, my dream.

The vision of the dream always feels glorious, beautiful, transformational. But once I begin tackling the details, mapping out the nitty gritty realities of manifesting it, I become overwhelmed. Defeated before I’ve begun.

Beauty becomes a burden.

The only way out, is to recommit to being all in.

And the only way to be all in, is to let go.

Let go of the fear that it won’t work out, doesn’t deserve to, isn’t meant to, that I am not ginormous list of adjectives go here enough, to make it happen.

Let go of the anger, jealousy, resentment, self-pity and entitlement that cloud vision and twist passion into self-righteous indignation.

Emotions that allow us to be armchair critics and pious cowards.

The problem is not having these emotions, because everyone does. The problem is giving them free reign for too long. Allowing them to run roughshod over what matters more, over what feeds our spirit.

As I was sitting by my dad’s bedside in the hospital, I asked him what the three most inspirational things in his life are. He looked down from the TV and directly into my eyes. He paused. “Just one thing,” he said.

For a man full of pithy charm, witty repartee and never one to turn down an opportunity for story-telling his grave sincerity was– unnerving.

“Love,” he said. “Love.”

Maybe that’s what it takes to to be all in– love.

For our love to be bigger than our fear.