Breaking the Allergy Barrier

Some people are allergic to nuts. I’m not.

However, I am allergic to many personality types that others are not. It is not in any way personal and yet at the same time nothing could be more personal.

Joe is allergic to shellfish. It is not that they have it out for him and he certainly has no negative feelings toward them.

However, if he ingests a tiny innocent bite of shrimp he will break out in hives, his throat will close up and if not treated… well, not good.

It is HIS inability to tolerate shellfish.

THEY, on the other hand do not mind him at all.

This is the same with people. Certain character traits or personality types make my chest contract, my shoulders rise, my breath shorten, butt cheeks clench and jaw lock.

Dreamy, right?

They are like kryptonite to me.

However, the reverse is not necessarily true at all. They are probably not bothered by me in the slightest. Good or bad. I am completely innocuous. My existence is an ambiguous reality for them.

Here’s the real doozy. People I know and LIKE do not find them challenging to be around. Grrr.

I used to take this personally. I thought it meant that I was somehow deficient or lacked the proper grit and emotional fortitude.

But then I realized… I am just smarter, more insightful and ultimately a better judge of character than they are.

Just kidding. Sort of.

The truth is, I AM the best judge of character, for me.

And that’s the key.

I am not Emma or Olivia or some other girl. I am me. And there are certain things that trigger me, same as there are certain things that trigger them. So, the fact that they are not bothered is not really relevant to me in any way.

This being said it was SO much easier three days ago, when everyone who irked me was simply an arrogant asshole, unworthy of my time.

Seriously, can’t it just occasionally be about THEM?

Like, Jeezus, what an arrogant bonehead.

Or, wow, talk about a wealthy Bohemian know-it-all.

Why can’t it be about their issues?

Self Reflection is so exhausting!

This post has taken me three weeks to write because it had a bit of, ahem, edge to it for a while. And although the edge was quite funny and extremely cathartic to write, it lacked the very vulnerability it made fun of other people for not having.

So, I endured a relentless and irritating amount of introspection and arrived somewhere a little different.

Unlike peanuts and shrimp, the people that annoy or hurt or bother or aggravate or upset the most have the greatest lessons to teach.

Ugghh. I know. This morning our exercise class instructor echoed this too,

“We thrive on being uncomfortable. It is the only way we change.”

I almost decked him.

But, there it is, the truth. So, I decided to look deeper into the things that most trigger my allergic reactions.

For example, some people say hello, not so much as a greeting but as a declaration of their presence. Or the way they smile, more as an affirmation of your good luck to be with them, than a sincere expression of their joy to see you.

This makes me feel invisible.

It generates equal amounts of anger and hurt. Both stem from a feeling of having not been seen. The fact is if I don’t dig deeper, I think these feelings have to do with whoever is in front of me, right now, behaving that way.

However, it has nothing to do with them at all. Not really. It has to do with feeling that way so much as a child that I stopped seeing or hearing myself.

This turned into a toxic level of self-distrust.

So, the non-acknowledging behavior referenced in the example, is like a landmine of personal hurt. A big handful of peanuts.

It is not them. It is ME. My reaction

This is incredibly liberating for a few reasons.

One, it dissolves the blame and anger which is a huge drag to have to carry around.

Two, after the tears, fear, anxiety and intense vulnerability that comes with taking complete personal responsibility, there is a feeling of energy and empowerment.

Third, it opens up the opportunity to look at the person objectively. Not through the lens of individual fear but with the perspective of the person caretaking and curating your life.

Discernment replaces judgment.

Say NO to whoever does not feed your spirit, NOT out of fear, but rather in celebration of your most wild and precious life!