Faith for Control Freaks

My idea of timing is usually quite different from the universe.

So, I am forever trying to be patient and accepting. For many, these qualities come naturally– gracefully even. For me, they are epically more difficult than daily kickboxing and sugar abstinence combined.

The problem with patience and acceptance, at least for me, is without faith, they are wildly exhausting and leave me feeling defeated, angry, sad and resigned to the core of my being.

More than not, I do have faith. Or can at least find it in a metaphor. And even when it is nowhere to be found, I can normally muscle my way through a shortage.

But, not this past weekend.  I spent three days hopelessly lost in despair. Wishing I could find my way home, while there.

I suppose, in retrospect, it was a crisis of faith.

A big blip on the ‘everything is all right and the universe is unfolding exactly the way it should and everything is happening in the time frame that is required for our highest good and new developments on all fronts will transpire precisely when they should.’

The timing is a bit odd in that things in my personal life are great and my career life looks quite promising, but sometimes the closer you get to what you want, the scarier it is to have to leave it to faith.

Especially if you’re the kind of person that wipes a kitchen counter down five hundred times a day.

Anyway, bottom line is, it is especially unnerving to feel completely lost when you are used to being a mapmaker. I am a mapmaker.

Not the kind who works with latitude, longitude and magnetic based compasses. Trust me, I have no ability to creates charts or maps based in geography. None whatsoever.

I am more of a soft science cartologist.

The kind of maps I make offer intuitive direction, emotional navigation and spiritual guidance. I am like an untrained cosmic inner GPS map maker.

I make these maps for myself, my family and the innovative initiatives my team and I are manifesting in this quickly shifting world. They help me see what reality  does not reveal.

And this morning i was given the most apropos metaphor. As I was running at the gym, I noticed the television in front of me had several pixelated bars in the screen.

It broke up the image.

At first I thought, it obviously needs to be fixed to clarify the picture, but then I wondered, ironically, if maybe the more important picture is the one we can’t see clearly– the pixelated jigsaw image behind the one we are shown.

Perhaps the images we are all being fed, especially as it relates to the media and news stories, are a façade.

A political Mardi Gras masking us from a simpler truth.

One that can only be arrived at by believing more in what we can’t see than what we can. Perhaps we need to be more open to the invisible possibilities.

To the possibility of what greater truth lies beyond our five senses, behind the curtain of others’ creation.

To the idea that our intuitive maps are more real than the ones we have been programmed to trust.

Perhaps we need to be on the lookout for faith, winking back at us.