Finding Opportunity in Obstacles

How to break through opposition.

The only time tried and true sayings like: There is always a silver lining or Adversity makes us stronger don’t annoy the bejeezus out of me is when I’m on the other side of the problem.

However, I’ve had trouble sleeping lately. I’m not terribly balanced without a good amount. Problems multiply in my mind.

I try to reframe them more positively as merely obstacles I need to navigate.

Hurdles I need to jump over.

Flaming hoops I must somehow blaze through.

And then the rat-wheel of my mind kicks into turbo-charge overdrive like some kind of 12-cylinder mud-covered farm plough trying to be a Fly Yellow Ferrari.

Needless to say, my “positive reframe” doesn’t exactly do the trick.

So, I try to divorce myself from the facts.

Separate myself from the possible projected disappointment I might feel if X ,Y and Z doesn’t happen. From the laundry list of possible new strategies that might work. From the potential issues those strategies might evoke.

It is an ongoing, exponentially explosive process.

And there is always an X, Y and Z.

It may be one thing today, this week. But there is always a list of obstacles in the way. Always some issue screaming for attention.

So, last night I tried something totally new.

Instead of trying to solve it, defy it or stand up to it– instead of tackling it head-on … I decided to dive all the way into it.

NOT into the details.

But INTO the murky uncertain waters of how they make me feel.

My goal: NOT to solve anything. Right there, it goes against pretty much everything I stand for. I am an expert at muscling through. Pushing harder. Toughing it out.

Solving it and hopefully all the tentacles connected to it.

Just please don’t ask me to be with it.

Unfortunately, this stands in direct opposition to rest. And insight.

So as I was lying in bed last night, I thought okay so what really freaks me out about this? My chest got tight. And the thinking went something like this:

I shouldn’t even be entertaining this kind of doubt because then I am not surrounding my desire with positive vibes.

But, what if it doesn’t work?

I’ll feel so enormously let down, trapped, pressured, unable to breathe.

And then suddenly something inside me reminded me that I have felt this way before. Many times. And it does feel bad. Really bad. But then it does pass and there is always some kind of 20/20 hindsight that makes it all clear.

SO, and this is a big SO, I thought what if I could apply my past (resilience) to my future (epiphany) in my present (despair).

Yeeks, could I do that?

Could I find a way to see in the dark? Find the goldmine of opportunity in the mountain of obstacles?

It would require kindness.

And kindness, in regards to myself, scares me.

It slows me down, quadruples my vulnerability, softens my rock-like determination and terrifies me that, like Humpty Dumpty, I may very well break into a million bits.

But it seems the only path.

So, I try kindness. Try and talk to myself the way I’d talk to our boys. With empathy, encouragement– kindness. It’s okay, this IS really stressful.

Whenever you shoot for your dreams, the fear of failure is huge. But, it IS only fear. We have felt it before. We have gotten through it.

Think of it as a guest knocking on our door.

If we open the door and invite it to tea, the big threatening knock shrinks into neediness. Fear dissolves into sadness. It just wants our attention. It cannot destroy us.

In fact if we ask what it needs, it will answer.

My answer this time: Stay put. Not in your location but in your vision. Do not let small pieces of information distract you from the goal.

Stay grounded in your vision.

Sometimes hope kicks you in the ass to wake you up. You get invested…

And then it gets dashed.

Because the original hope was only a flare to get your attention, to propel you into the future you are meant to live.

See in disappointment, discovery.