Laying Down the Love Law

Put up with nothing. Stand for everything.

This post is a tribute to the power of love, boundaries and standing in the center of your truth. It is also a tribute to my dear friend Anne… an inspiring story of mothering.

It was her youngest daughter’s birthday. There were thirteen girls. She invited twelve.

Right there I practically get hives thinking about the right thing to do.

There’s the moral issue of fairness and kindness not to mention insecure issues of other girls’ mom’s judgments about me. I get overwhelmed.

Turns out the uninvited girl, a friend of her daughter’s, called her a fat cat (which is totally absurd because she is not overweight at all, except perhaps, among the Kate Moss private school crowd).

Needless to say she chose not to invite this girl.

When the girl approached her and asked why she wasn’t invited to her party, she said, “You called me a fat cat and it hurt my feelings.”

To which the girl replied, “Well, I didn’t mean it. Tell your mother to invite me.”

To which my friend’s fierce and brave daughter replied, “My mom would never invite someone who was unkind to me.”

The story made me want to applaud for a million reasons.

First, I am not even close to brave enough to confront someone who has offended me like that. I would feel ashamed of being too sensitive. Afraid I would appear weak. Terrified of making a bigger deal of it than necessary.

I’d be worried I was overreacting and if she said, I was just kidding, I would feel like an idiot for not being able to take a joke.

Well, that is all a load of horseshit.

The girl acted meanly. She deserved to be called on it.

She certainly did not deserve to be invited to the party. And my friend’s daughter deserves a life-size piñata filled with marzipan unicorns for being fearless, direct and protecting her right to be treated well.

Plus, she knew her mother would totally have her back. There was no doubt her mom would se the behavior as unacceptable. No chance she’s speculate on whether the girl may have truly been joking. Or doubt about whether she’s be asked to be the “bigger person”.

And here’s the real kicker.

She communicated all this while leaving the door open.

She told the girl that she could be invited next year if she acted kindly. No hard feelings. No radiating resentment or latent blame.

She did what she had to do without an ounce of meanness, guilt or apology. She gave her room for improvement. The generosity that change is indeed possible but respect must be earned.

That’s a clear-hearted, clean-spirited kind of love.

This was such a lesson to me. I love our boys deeply and dearly. But, I think sometimes my thoughtful inclusiveness is really fear-based insecurity.

Ahh, one more item on the self-improvement to do list.