Listening for Kindness

Looking for grace.

Normally, like a bull released from a pen, I charge into the day fired up and full of direction. About midday I turn into more of a Jack Russell terrier nipping at the heels of people I need to do things in order for my things to get done.

By around three thirty I become a desperately tired turtle just trying to haul my ass out of the middle of the road. And by evening, I am either a squirrel trying to organize my nuts into piles OR a golden retriever sleeping after a full day of fetching.

I look for problems that need solving.

Listen for issues that need resolution.

But much less frequently do I scan my day for kindness, and grace.

The other morning as we were setting intentions on the way to school, I looked in the back seat to see what the boys would say, and saw they were holding hands.

I almost burst into tears.

We, as parents or workers or working parents, armor ourselves so thoroughly for the day, small kindnesses can crush us like a tidal wave of love.

I felt grateful and then overwhelmed that I am missing many of these moments being so focused on what we need to do and where we need to be.

Of course we have to think things through.

Trouble-shoot and be prepared for worst-case scenarios.

But I’ve been thinking lately about what exactly a worst-case scenario is. I so quickly jump to possible remedies, that I don’t fully evaluate if the situations common sense would dictate as bad, really are bad.

And as long as we’re asking questions, what exactly is common sense?

Is it logic that given the evidence at hand is plain to see?

Sounds reasonable. The only problem is that the evidence is completely dependent on the given objective. Say, for example’s sake, landing a new job or selling a house or making a train.

Any rube could see that not getting the job, selling the house, or making the train would be bad. An unfortunate loss. The absolute worst-case scenario.

But, is it?

Perhaps the missed train forces you into a needed rest that inspires you to do something new with your life.

Maybe the great new job would have burned you out in a month and maybe you don’t sell your house because you’re meant for a far greater move a few years later?

Silver lings often appear more clearly in retrospect.

And clarity comes best with hindsight.

So what if we didn’t have an arsenal of back-up fail-proof Plan B’s up our sleeve. And some of that time went to looking for kindness in our own back seat.