Mind the Gap

Falling Despite Warning

This is my fear. I will see the sign, see the treacherous pitfall, and step directly into it. Not out of sad habit or twisted irony but rather as a result of sheer exhaustion and projected defeat.

This fear is especially strong now, on the third half day of the last half-week of school as I stare down two and a half uncharacteristically unstructured months ahead.

Normally I plan every weekday within an inch of its robustly opportunistic life.

I am slightly more carefree on the weekends, at least as it relates to the rest of my family. But it was requested of me that this year that I not overschedule our summer. That I take it easy. Chillax. Hang with the fam.

This forced me, against my better judgment, to eat half a pound of roasted almonds. Before dinner.

Nothing gives me more stress than the idea of relaxing. The words alone make me want to do fifty jumping jacks. Sad, I know. But true. I get tingly with excitement when someone says we have a big day ahead!

I am a doer.

Not in a playful Golden Retriever who likes to fetch kind of way. But more of a Jack Russell who likes to go into fox-holes or nip at the heels of sheep or run circles around the living room kind of way.

Joyfully manic. Right up until about 3:00. And then, I am toast. I am more than happy to chillax with the fam!

However, this more charming and palatable Phase Two part of my day cannot happen if Phase One is interrupted or slowed down, which, camp letting out at noon requiring an 11:45 departure time for me, does not allow.

Even writing about this makes me crave almonds.

For anyone who did not read my last post, this is the only food left in my diet that is still worthy of power eating. Anyway, point being, the relaxed summer schedule has me a bit up tight.

I thought about filling in all their downtime BUT given our big mindful awareness push this year, along with the amazing willingness of both boys and Joe to embark on the extremely challenging Whole30 adventure, I did not. Yet.

I have a list of emergency afternoon camp options. Just in case.

In the U.K. audible or visual warnings are given to caution passengers about crossing the horizontal spatial gap between the train door and the station platform. There are even fun signs that depict the tragic fate of non-compliant commuters.

Here’s the truth: I have been compulsively focused on the gruesome fate of falling into this “three hour loss of productivity” time gap.

But, it has occurred to me that if I were to become less obsessed with the tragedy part and more curious about where this particular new “afternoons free” train is going, perhaps I could step over the gap and be open to the options.

If I could step over the dangerous pit of catastrophic scenarios…

I could mind the gap between what I know how to do and what I am totally out of my league doing. And, we have actually just done this as a family with our new healthy eating plan.

Stepped over the terror of what it would be like to give up pizza, pasta, cookies, milk in coffee, wine and jumped on the train of possibility. There are hard parts but it’s cool to be doing something new. We are learning a lot.

And although I’m at my max for fun new learning opportunities…

Perhaps if I create an 11:45 phone alarm with the British accent train message accompanied by visual wallpaper of the tragic stick figure falling perilously into the gap, it will remind me of the joyous possibilities that may lie ahead.