Mindful Awareness Makes Me Edgy

I have become obsessed with the transformational benefits of mindful awareness. And I felt very confident that I would be quite excellent leading these sessions in our family and incorporating them in the school curriculum… right up until the point in the video when it said: One of the most important aspects of teaching mindful awareness is practicing it as a way of life.

Hmmm. That sounded a bit more challenging. But surely that can’t apply to yelling in the morning when NO ONE is ready and we are going to be late, again. That would be kind of unreasonable, no?

And what about after our nine year-old loses his third ski hat and then gets irritably pouty that we won’t buy him an i-phone. Seriously? Who could possibly be expected to respond with kind loving non-judgment in such a circumstance?

And what exactly do you do after your son’s had a sleep-over/ full-day-play-date followed by a popcorn-movie family night and his response when asked to let the dogs out is, I already fed them.

Excuuuuuuze me?

Never mind, he says, followed by a short blurted sigh that dramatically wails the nonverbal equivalent of: why does my life have to be so riddled with these unbearable chores that prevent me from the life of leisure I was meant to lead.

Ohhh, I get it! But…

Is it inappropriate that I respond with my extended emphatically throaty counter-sigh that sarcastically snips back: you had better lose the attitude sweet darling child or you will be sleeping outside indefinitely?

Can’t we compartmentalize mindfulness… like after school drop-off?

Or at least we could have an allotted number of slip-ups? Right? And maybe more after bad sleep nights? And towards that time of the month? And under any dieting conditions? That seems like the most heart-centered thing to do, no?

In all reality, it seems far easier to respond with present awareness when big stuff happens– when my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer, when our dog Wally had to be put down, when my dad became paralyzed after his stroke. Emotional gravity has a way of obliterating pettiness, clarifying what matters most and clearing the decks of ego and attitude.

I want to be that version of myself more. Not all the time, because where would the sarcasm go? And the freaky humility-building insanity? Plus, I don’t want to set myself up for that kind of grueling failure straight-away.

BUT, I’d like to sub out mommy breakdowns for mindfully aware moments at least 33% of the time more often