Room Requires Structure

Walls are what give us the room to play.

I often find myself thinking I don’t have enough room. I feel trapped inside the things I do, pinned up against my goals like a fly to sticky paper.

So, the intention I set for myself today: Take charge of the day. Do not let it boss you around.

It didn’t work. Not at all.

I went to a kickboxing class, killed my left knee, left early crying and by 10:15 the day had already had its way with me. I took Advil, applied Tiger Balm and attempted to recover it with fumbling success.

Here’s my problem. I am so busy building my walls (diet, exercise, work, home-life), measuring my windows (places to visit and adventures to take), laying down the door jam (boundaries with people), estimating ceiling height (strategies for growing our business) and finding aesthetically pleasing but highly functional floorboards (filling our home life with beauty and art) that I forget to play.

I forget my goal was to create room.

And the room I was seeking was not more room for how to be a better mom, wife, human, eater, exerciser, writer, worker bee, school volunteer person.

It was room– to play.

If left to my own devices, I usually go into full-frontal accomplishment mode. Get it done. Go, go, go! My productivity paradigm. My (totally cramped) comfort zone.

And I am not afraid to recruit passers-by.

The more the merrier.

Unless, of course you are one of “the more”.

I do believe that in order to have real room to play, structure is essential. A room relies on walls. Freedom relies on discipline.

The trick for me, maybe others, is being able to reflect, to remember what you wanted to do in your room, why you began building the walls in the first place.

Otherwise we end up becoming master wall builders that never habitate the rooms we build.

This is a dangerous trap.

Mostly because it comes disguised as impressive accomplishment and gratifying achievement. If feels so energizing and so empowering, it could be confused for joy.

But it isn’t.

And eventually it shows its face for the imposter it is.

Usually right after you screw up your meniscus.

In this culture of driven accomplishment where we expect more and more from ourselves and others, we must be careful not to erect so many walls that we find ourselves trapped in a prison of our own making.

Even my idea of play can often become corrupted by a covert purpose-driven agenda I’m barely even aware of until I find myself stressed out by my playtime.

Old walls need to be torn down before new ones go up.

They are not forever and the kind of room we need changes over time.

So, I am demolishing my wall built on the idea that the only way forward is by checking all the to do boxes. And I am building a new one that doesn’t require running shoes.

Slow down and breathe.