Seeking Essence

Finding the Merci in Memorial Day.

Sometimes ideas float around before they find a proper anchor. Gratefully, I have come to trust the intuitive insight of images. However, my saving image did not come to me for a while.

I struggled with how to explain the gravity of Memorial Day to our boys as something more than a day off school, a great small town parade, hot-dogs, Good Humor ice cream and sale advertising as far as the eye can see.

It is hard to explain Memorial Day without war.

And as a family that peacefully relocates every bug we find indoors by bringing it outside, war is a tough concept.

We tried to make it relevant to their lives.

Some bullies are not interested in changing. They don’t care about the kind or respectful thing to do. So if, after several warnings they continue to be cruel, they may need a kick in the head.

We stand up for what we believe in our family, right?

There was nodding. I wanted to make the next logical jump to be willing to die for what you believe but… I couldn’t. I would die for love but I don’t think I have any beliefs I feel strongly enough about to sacrifice my life.

I’m not SO sure any of my beliefs are beyond reproach. It is a tough one.

Plus, I couldn’t help thinking about all the complicating politics and economics of war. BUT, real men and women with real families and dreams and futures died because they believed in preserving something greater than themselves –

Freedom.

I tried to talk about basic human right freedoms being something many people around the world do not have. The right to decide what to do with your own body. The right to go to school. The right to stay with your family.

We moved on to the right to vote, to speak your mind, to choose your religion.

I tried to explain how lucky we are to have these freedoms. And they got it, in the way 8 and 10 year-old boys living a privileged life can. Where freedom is the couple hours a week they get free screen time.

Luckily, I have a good amount of Jack Russell terrier in me.

I know when I’m failing to land a point. And I’m not afraid to persevere. Plus, the boys are fairly used to sitting on the couch a long time to have important conversations.

And then, quite suddenly I remembered the wall of plaques in the chapel of Basilique Notre Dame de la Garde in Marseille where we visited with the boys last summer.

Each plaque had the name of the fisherman, sailor, American G.I.– all those who had given their life to protect, feed, or serve the village of Marseille in any way. Each plaque said the person’s name, life span and Merci.

I stood and read every name, tears streaming down my face, so I could get to that simple one last word.

Merci. Thank you.

What moved me was not the only the passing of these individual men, but the simple gracious act of gratitude.

Our boys are moved by gratitude too. Toward nature, the constant sweetness of our dog Floyd, the love notes Finn writes to Leo and the way Leo always looks after him. They both get this in spades.

They even feeling enormously grateful for gifts they are given that they may not necessarily want, because they understand the personal love or sacrifice or both that is part of the giving.

In metaphysics “essence” is often synonymous with soul. In Buddhism it means intrinsic nature. Aristotle refers to it as the nucleus of the individual thing.

The essence of Memorial Day for me, is gratitude.