Some People Make You Come Alive

Some don’t.

It’ not a good or bad thing. Not a judgment thing. Not personal. And yet, at the same time, it’s all three. When it comes to personal wellbeing it’s absolutely critical to be discerning about who is good and bad to be around.

What could be important?

If you surround yourself by toxic (for you) people, you are left drained of the life force that allows you to contribute to your life and the world in a meaningful way. Why would anyone, willingly, deplete their inner power?

Isn’t that kind of the point?

To come alive… feel alive… be alive.

And to share whatever gifts you have to give. Whether with a flower, your kids, gorillas or the quantum energy out there? Certain people help tune you into the magic you have inside.

This was our Sunday morning conversation.

Joe described it like this: “I can tell the people I want to be with, by the way I feel when they leave. If I feel exhausted and slightly depressed, sad or angry, they are not good for me.

If I feel energized and excited– like anything is possible, they get the thumbs up.”

I added, “For me, it’s about whether I can be wholly myself.”

Leo said, “There are certain friends where I can be 100% myself and others I love to be with but he wouldn’t be totally open.”

“I totally get that,” I told him. “It’s like we’re layers of sedimentary rock. There are certain people who are super fun at the mica surface of things and you’d never want to lose them.

And there are others who can see the beauty in the deeper layers that aren’t quite so shiny and reflective. Some friends can do go shallow and deep. Others only get some of it. Both are good. It’s just important to know who is who.”

Finn added, “I think we all rock.”

And then they both went to play b-ball. It’s important to know when to wrap it up.

But this notion of being with people who make you come alive stuck with me, because it is often at odds with being a responsible, generous and compassionate family member.

There are people we love but may not love being with all the time.

If we choose only to be with people who make us come alive, the people who need us most might suffer. And so would we. Because we are all connected. There are times when it’s important to say no, to pull back, to regroup, to fly solo.

As an introvert, I am very conscious of setting aside time to be by myself. Otherwise I get fragmented and stressed. But, I also try to be honest about when I am using this as an excuse to avoid reaching out, helping out, acting generously, courageously.

Being with people that feed my spirit makes me come alive.

But feeling generous of spirit– really makes me come alive.

Finding room to give– to let go of pre-ordained schedules, big important plans and the comfort of convenience forges a different kind of resilience.

It’s easy to give when it fits conveniently into an empty timeslot or coincides with an additional objective. But when you have to cancel plans and give up what you care about for the unknown– something opens up.

There’s a whoosh of emotionally freed up oxygen. But it doesn’t mean the people with whom you are being generous will appreciate it.

This is where parameters come in.

Sometimes they need to stretch. Occasionally less is required than planned. But I have to know in my heart there is a point beyond which I will not go.

I can disappear to accommodate other peoples’ suffering, fear or self-absorption. But, not for too long. I can listen even when my brain feels overfull. But not for too long. I can compromises my sense of wellbeing. But, I need to know, there’s a limit.

I can come alive in the spirit of generosity as long as long as I don’t sacrifice the spirit that gets me there.