Syllabus of Dreams

Reincarnating Life’s Curriculum

Here’s the thing. Just because we run around accomplishing tasks and fulfilling goals, doesn’t mean we’re not dead inside.

Just because we continue to engage the same activities, behaviors, interpersonal patterns and strategies for happiness doesn’t mean any of them are actually working. The problem is, often, they work just well enough to go undetected.

And if it’s not broken, why fix it.

But broken seems a bit extreme. And fixing seems a bit laborious.

Most often than not, at least for me, the feeling is not full-on cataclysmic breakdown (though there are those too). It is more a like a chronic low grade malaise that toggles between anxiety, despair and resignation.

I can override it and I do. I certainly don’t talk about it. because what could possibly be more boring.

But, it is there.

And just because it can’t be seen, doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter.

Having successfully completed The Whole 30 Plan (a Paleo-based lifestyle initiative) as a family, it has become increasingly obvious the dramatic impact what we eat has on our invisible interior physical health (organs, joints, weight, triglycerides, etc.).

The transaction is invisible but couldn’t be more real.

For example, consider the way an Oreo sets off a reaction of insulin sugar dopamine and serotonin. It cannot be seen, but it is real. The body’s futile search to find nutrition cannot be seen. But it is real. Our energy spikes and dives cannot be seen.

But they are certainly real.

So wouldn’t it make sense that what holds true for our physical health is also true for mental, emotional, spiritual wellbeing?

Lately, I feel like I’ve been swimming in a sea of meaningless tasks. I am completely undecided and ambivalent as to which choices for the kids and myself are the right ones. Goals roll in one after the next after the next.

Each seems like it has the power to drown or sustain us. Luckily this overwhelming feeling of confusion and failure has been intolerable and required me to look more deeply into what the heck-fire is going on. And here it is.

Goals not grounded in dreams leave me feeling lost.

And by dreams, I mean soul dreams not ego dreams.

Not the dream of having a teak sailboat or second home in Nantucket. Not the dream about winning a marathon or making CEO but the inner dream? The bigger picture dream about how I want to feel, who I want to be.

Not about what I want to do or have but about who I want to be.

Without the bigger picture of WHY we are doing something, goals seem like empty-ended tasks. And yet without the HOW we will get it done of goals, dreams can be overwhelming.

I often get stuck in one position or the other. As a working mom, it is usually the task-goal mode. I forget there even is a why. I forget that dreaming matters. That it is how we feed our soul.

We are never really taught how to dream.

We are told to believe in our dreams. To follow our dreams. But what are dreams?

I was led to believe that dreams are life-size goals. The dream is to be a doctor. The goals are to make it through medical school and get a good residency.

I think dreams are different.

I think dreams are the why behind all our goals, big or small. Why do you want to be a doctor? Why do you want to be a CEO? There are as many answers to that question as there are people answering it.

Each is slightly different. And by shifting the focus of the dream, goals have a way of transforming from tedious tasks to empowering tactics.

And we are able to reincarnate our life’s curriculum around the power of personal meaning.