The Advantages of Not Freaking Out

Okay, so there’s probably many.

BUT, being fairly new to the “embrace the good and bad as there are gifts to be gained from all” philosophy I feel the need to celebrate when my embracing ‘what is’ actually pays off.

So, here’s ‘what was’ this morning.

I am not bright enough to figure out how to download my gym’s app, which would have told me the class I take on Friday is NOT being taught by the instructor I love. So I arrive ready to rock and it’s not her. The sub is too yell-y and cheery.

I am about to have an internal breakdown.

Today, I know I need some outside motivation or I’m headed back to the car to drive one mile away and rendez-vous with the ginger scone I know is sitting in its little glass dome waiting for me.

If I make this decision, I will be disappointed in myself, (sigh) again, which is totally exhausting (groan) and a drag to ALL of those who have to see me for the rest of the day.

BUT, I switch gears (saving everyone including myself) and consider this as a great OPPORTUNITY to take the “Lean Lines” upstairs class with a great instructor.

Here’s what I love… HUMOR!

“We are in serious training,” she says, demonstrating the ‘squat on your tippy toes and hold for a gatrillion seconds’ move.

“Year-round,” she continued as our legs began to shake. “Know what for?” she inquired ignoring the grimaces plastered on all our faces. She is kind of like getting a side of stand-up comedy show with your muscle-building class.

“Peeing at holiday parties in high heels.”

I don’t even care that my quads are killing.

She is hilarious. And I think to myself, if Robin had been there, I wouldn’t have heard Emma. Nor had the opportunity to celebrate my growing capacity to see possibility where before I had seen only the opportunity to be pissy.

Small steps toward greatness!

However, the revelation of what is to be gained by what appears to be disappointing is rarely that transparent or quick.

It requires dubious amounts of trust and doubtful amounts of faith.

Only repeated, unbearable bratty-ness led me to consider this Zen-like alternative.

I fight it frequently but always end up trying to follow Michael Brown’s advice in The Presence Process. 1) Dismiss the messenger 2) Accept the message 3) Look for the emotional signature.

Everything is a gift. Especially the person or situation that is pissing you off or hurting you terribly.

GIFT!

And it’s never about the person or situation. They are only delivering the message inside it, which asks the question HOW DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL?

It’s exhausting to keep coming back to this. Especially regarding the same people. AND the same situations. BUT, it is always works. And, although it forces you to atke full responsibility it also offers full control.

And it frees you from the terrible icky circular drama of blame.

Obviously, it’s nice when you get to squat and laugh at the same time. But even when it means tears, I always feel courageous. And that beats the hell out of angry and afraid.

I leave you this Wednesday with one of my favorite poems…

THE GUEST HOUSE

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

 

— Jelaluddin Rumi,

translation by Coleman Barks