The Down-Lo on Dairy-Free

Life without milk is miserable.

Okay, miserable might be a bit strong. Actually, Finn and I are doing quite well on Day 5 of our 3-week abstinence from dairy.

We were told due to our tongue analysis, some digestive issues and a likely over-stimulated nervous system that we should try going dairy free for 3 weeks and see if we noticed a change. Oh, and no soy.

Normally I would have smiled, nodded and ignored.

NOTHING gets in the way of my frozen yogurt deserts NOR my delicious highly sweetened milky coffee in the morning. Plus, I have grown fairly attached to my 0% Strawberry Fage yogurt for breakfast. Not to mention my extreme affinity for gruyere, feta and romano.

But some fundamental piece of my stubborn core has cracked.

And, I am suddenly slightly more open-minded to challenging irrefutable truths about what makes me happy.

In this short-term analysis I would like to be clear about two things:

Almond Beverage is not even a distant relative of milk. Coconut juice in coffee is enough to make you cry.

Scratch that, weep.

It has the same basic intelligence as making s’mores with tofu instead of marshmellows. Or grounding cauliflower to make bread. Why?

It’s hippie gone haywire. Healthy gone loco. Yucky, icko and ughho and no.

I am drinking my coffee black.

And strongly considering tea.

Also, FYI, non-dairy yogurt substitute is, how to say, off. Sort of like fake eyelashes, too much Botox or a Chinatown Rolex. Just off.

However, although I did not have high hopes for Non-Dairy Frozen treats made from Coconut or Almond Juice, the Chocolate varieties are all quite good.

Which really just underscores chocolate as a life-saving ingredient.

I have made some interesting observations. Although tatsy, it is not possible to power-eat coconut frozen treats. However it IS possible to power-eat blueberry muffins as a consolation prize.

My post dinner grazing, which usually involves finding different crunchy options to mix in with frozen yogurt, has ceased making me a temporarily more attentive mom. Yeah for unexpected positive side effects!

I am not in as foul a mood as I expected given my black and bitter coffee.

Here’s the problem with educating yourself on health. You learn stuff.

The kind of stuff you don’t want to know. The kind of stuff that turns you into a pathetic, weak, ignorant, spoiled American if you don’t pay attention to it. The kind of stuff that makes you consider moving to Italy.

As I was researching why dairy is bad, a scary article on Splenda popped up. The old I like my world exactly as it is me, would have skipped over this like dirty gum on the sidewalk. But not the new annoyingly truth-seeking me.

Needless to say, I READ the article. Most people have exited this particular FAKE sugar substitute corridor of denial ages ago.

I am slow to these parties.

Anyway, now in addition to drinking my coffee black I am ALSO refraining from the three Splendas I used to put in every large mug. The equivalent in real sugar is to embarrassing to even talk about.

I am not a political person.

I am of the opinion that definitive studies that demand we change our heathen ways based on irrefutable studies and empirically-based evidence closely resemble Jon Stewart’s definition of bullshit*.

Fat is bad. Carbs are bad. Meat is bad. Butter is bad. Blah blah blah.

The finger of blame wags in the direction du jour.

However, there have been several shifts (dating back to 1967) in our governmental assessment of both foods and chemicals (which is now, thanks to GMO sometimes the same as food) that are worth noting.

One: It seems like every other day we hear about yet another chemical in our food supply that’s bad for our health. Maybe it’s because the Toxic Substances Control Act of 1976, which is supposed to help regulate the use of chemicals in consumer products, has failed us with its assumption that “chemicals are safe until proven harmful,” and has turned us into unwitting human guinea pigs.

Two: In 1997, The FDA eventually bowed to industry pressure and relaxed its demands on GRAS (Generally Accepted As Safe) standards. Today, manufacturers can notify the FDA that a new ingredient is safe, and the FDA does nothing to validate that claim.

No other first world country has standards this lax.

So, as irritatingly exhausting as it seems, given the rather overfull plates we already have, the responsibility to research what we feed ourselves and more importantly, our children, is on us.

There’s a yacht-load of conflicting information out there but the right diet IS Mediterranean. Or is it Paleo? Or is it raw? Or is it vegan?

Who the hell knows? Seriously, It’s a little over the top.

The right diet is one based on Personal Truth.

We are not a group. We are individuals with individual histories, individual experiences, individual sensitivities, energy levels and passions. Why would we ever assume that one solution would fit all?

The trick is not giving up or giving in.

Some people have to try a few different spouses before finding the right one. Other people have to check out abstaining from different foods or substances to see if it opens up a new kind of freedom. Or not.

But it’s all kind of the big cosmic adventure, if you see it that way.