The MOST Inappropriate Question to Ask

Better to suck it up and remain silent.

Recently, (as in three days ago) we became proud owners of an eight-week-old golden retriever puppy, named by our son Leo, after the French soccer player Zinedine Zidane’s nickname, Zizou.

There was a lot of discussion after about how to spell his name. The proper spelling, which I am a fan of is, Zizou. However, anyone, say at the vet’s who doesn’t know him, will pronounce the short vowel “i” and the “ou” possibly as in “ow” like plough.

Not attractive.

We are big We Anderson fans and thought The Life Aquatic featuring oceanographer Steve Zissou played by our beloved, Bill Murray would be a fine spelling. But the kids don’t quite appreciate the subtle nuances of Wes yet.

And we made the mistake of making it a democratic vote.

Zezoo was offered up but we didn’t love the “caged animals on show” zoo idea. Zeezu was mentioned but just felt a bit like hitting someone over the phonetic head.

We have arrived, though I am not thoroughly convinced yet, at Zezu.

My question, however, is a bit more fundamental than naming.

Zezu is completely adorable and by all external accounts absolutely, positively yummy.

He is cuddly, furry, sweet and… a teething, peeing, pooping, crying-in-the-middle-of-the-night miniature unintentional terrorist.

Ahhh, feels good to just get it out there.

Here’s what I’m really good at: maximizing my ordered quiet downtime to write, create and brainstorm imaginative solutions to seemingly unsolvable problems at work, home and the boys’ school.

Here’s what I’m not good at: doing any of this without sleep or a few hours stretch of solitude.

There is no sleep or solitude with a newborn.

However, newborn humans do not snap playfully at your nose or teeth on your deceased mom’s furniture or kitchen cabinets.

Baby Einstein is a legitimate babysitting option as is any one of the activity exosaucers, we affectionately called the The Neglectomatic.

There is no equivalent of these options for puppies. Sure, there are chew toys but they want you to engage in tug-o-war with them.

Get down. Be fun. Relax. Let go. Play.

Play?

Perhaps they have not seen today’s To Do list or the leftover one from yesterday.

Maybe they did not get the memo that mommy needs a little alone time because otherwise she can be a little bit of a nightmare.

People (except other moms who have had puppies recently) do a lot of oohing and ahhing, which is understandable given the enormously high cute factor.

I try to smile. Sort of.

In that… Oh it IS just a dream come true.

Up at night you ask? Well, yes, but it’s just sleep. I’ll catch up at some point.

Is he house-trained you ask? Well, no, not yet. But nothing a little patience and love won’t take care of. Look at that sweet little face.

Of course my heart is big enough to take care of this precious little creature. What kind selfish, unmotherly troll would want to… (here’s where my question comes in)

Return the dog to the breeder?

I have obviously not uttered this aloud in front of the children as their tears would make me feel terribly unloving and then reluctantly resentful. Neither of which my fairly fragile temperament could handle right now.

Plus, as exhausted and irritable as I feel, I don’t actually mean it.

That being said, he is napping right now. And his face, upside down, does look quite a bit like Master Shifu from the movie Kung Fu Panda.

And I do find him entertaining, loving and hopefully optimistic.