What is Your Relationship ROI?

Does thinking about your relationships in terms of return on investment (ROI) sound a bit crass? Superficial, insincere and flip? Maybe. But, sometimes that’s exactly what’s necessary.

Who makes you come alive?

There are all different ways to feel alive. But they don’t feel suffocating, oppressive, obligatory or stagnant. When I am feeling unsure about someone, I ask myself does so and so make me feel free? Does she make me feel good about who I am?

Does the thought of seeing her make me smile?

Normally, if I have to ask the question, the answer is likely I feel trapped, skittery and likely to eat a sleeve of Oreos. Sometimes, of course, it’s just projected self-loathing.

It’s easy to tell, because if I put the person out of my mind, and I still feel like biting someone, it’s me. If, on the other hand, if I stop thinking about that person and feel free, relieved and like I could fly to the moon, well, it’s pretty clear.

At some point you have to evaluate your return on investment.

What are you putting in? What are you getting out? And is it worth it? Of course, the ROI you assign assumes your having given the person the repeated benefit of the doubt, assumed their best intentions and engaged in your most open-mined communication.

Individual ROI can only exist within a full relationship portfolio.

Obviously there are people who give you way more than you give back and vice versa. And you can have a few high-risk relationships as long as you’ve got some blue chip players.

All that said, in the end, it comes down to your BFB.

My husband’s amazing (truly) ex-wife gave me THE most amazing phrase at my grandmother-in-law’s memorial service. I told her how calm and centered and peaceful she looked. Her response: I just don’t have any more bandwidth for bullshit (BFB).

I LOVE this.

She went on to explain certain people in her life had drained her energy down to fumes and she finally decided it’s just not worth it. Bravo, right?

We only get so long here on the planet and shouldn’t we enjoy it? Or derive meaning and beauty and love from it? Or something more… than headaches?

Every relationship is based on give and take. Even our pets and plants.

If most of my plants had to evaluate their BFB in regards to me, I fear I would not fare well. On the other hand, the geranium my Uncle Bob in-law gave us last year is thriving, and I think, feels genuine liking for me.

Consequently, I have upped my all around watering consistency, proving our ROI and BFB is up to us.

We can change our story at any time, if we choose.