The Three-Minute Cryo-Craze

Taking Japanese ice baths to the next level.

Perhaps you’ve considered standing in a shoulder-height cauldron spewing nitrogen-iced air at minus-264 degrees Fahrenheit. Perhaps you’d rather walk on hot coals or be thrown into an erupting volcano.

Personally, I’d opt for the latter. But either way, it’s hard not to at least notice the latest WBC (whole-body cryotherapy) fad.

Allegedly, a three-minute treatment burns up to 800 calories, smooths wrinkles, stimulates collagen, improves sleep, boosts the immune system, reduces swelling, and releases an eight ball’s worth of endorphins.

Not bad for three minutes.

Unless, of course, it is done unsupervised as the recent tragic death in Las Vegas demonstrated.

It is not yet FDA-regulated.

And despite ample assurances on behalf of Cryo companies, I can’t help but wonder about the potential long-term effects of freezing internal organs at a temperature that doesn’t exist in nature.

That being said, top athletes do it. Models do to. Even my dear cousin-in-law did it.

I became temporarily obsessed.

You have to admit the proposed results are pretty compelling. And the testimonials are incredible. There is even a really good story behind it. And it’s growing rapidly.

Sort of like Scientology did.

Sarcasm aside, I was smitten. I am chronically sore from my work-outs, would love to really embrace the stuffing at Thanksgiving and would not be opposed to looking a little younger.

Could it be that I am only three minutes away from… FREEDOM!

As it turns out, no.

No for a few reasons. First of all, having looked at the FAQ, it turns out people with the circulatory disease Raynauds (circulatory issue wherein extremities go numb very easily) cannot partake.

I kind of thought this might be the case. But was kind of hoping there were special mittens or something. I had expected to feel very disappointed.

But I felt incredibly relieved.

As much as I will always be drawn to magic in a bottle– be it to decrease wrinkles and depression or increased focus and energy, I will always know it to be temporary.

Even if the air no longer contains moisture, so cold does not penetrate the skin like it does in, say, Siberia. Even if it is only ninety dollars. Even if it has made a dramatic difference for Demi Moore.

Freedom is earned. It cannot be bought.