Individual Greatness Triumphs

The Catch: Enough is not good enough.

It sucks the life force out of us.

And yet, there it is around every other corner. Not as pretty as… Not as thin as… Not as charitable as…  Not as bake-worthy as… Not as hip as… Not as artistic as… Not as resourceful as…  Not as successful as…

The list is as long as the insecurities we have. We each have our own version. And depending on the situation, time of month, level of sleep deprivation and intake of trashy food, we are more or less capable of handling it with a sense of humor.

It is especially ubiquitous in high-achieving areas.

I hear it everywhere. From gym trainers to Fortune 500 CEO’s to PTA all star’s to our children. It plays havoc in my own head. The voices are relentless and demanding, critical and rigid.

There is no grace.

And it’s a fine line between dominatrix bitch and simply having high standards.

How do we aim for excellence without the backlash of competitive rankings? How do we strive for personal best without having to be best in class? The pressure is just too great.

When did being the best become the best thing we could be?

It’s not about getting lazy or giving up.

Quite the opposite. Overcoming obstacles leads to perseverance. Pushing beyond where we think we can go facilitates inner resilience.

But shouldn’t it be in the name of personal integrity over being the best?

For me, the most damaging part is seeing the hardness and intolerance echo out. It begins with self-judgment but it is impossible to be personally unforgiving and not have it ripple into other relationships.

Thankfully, I’m aware of it and regroup quickly.

However, before I respond, it takes me down.

It takes me out of myself and into a hyper-real magnified alternate world. And like the fun house mirrors at the amusement park, reality skews disproportionately NOT in my favor. Normal faces appear insidiously menacing. Walls close in.

It becomes hard to tell which reflected image is true.

It is a mental fear-based reality.

The dangerous part is once I’ve bought into it, like kryptonite it weakens my resolve to see it.

Only the physical world can break through it. Finn saying I love you. Our dog Zezu licking my ankle. Joe brushing the hair off my forehead. A Blue jay landing outside our window.

Only the saving grace of sensory truth trumps the mental bullying of not enough.

And the opposite of not enough is not abundance. It is enough.

The trick is not to subscribe to the pendulum swing between I am not enough and I am great because inherent in this comparison is the ranking of everyone else. And this is a recipe for disaster.

Greatness is individual.

My body is muscular, not thin. My eyes are kind and wise, not unwrinkled and bright. My temperament is sensitive and fierce, not gregarious and easy-going. I excel at communication that connects and creativity that inspires, not leadership that mobilizes or research that innovates.

I cannot be all things. I cannot be angry at myself about this unavoidable failure. It dulls my individuality and sets up an obstacle between myself and people who embody what I never will.

Plus, it is quite simply a big fat drag.

It is so much easier to feel genuinely thankful when we accept who we are as opposed to lamenting who we are not.

When we feel we are, we give and we have… enough.

Each Thanksgiving, I try to look with fresh eyes at what it means to be grateful and how I can experience and express it from a deeper, more courageous place.

This year I’m going to start with me. I’m going to try whole-heartedly to give thanks for who I am and what I have to give.

This will require serious discipline.

This means not feeling sad, guilty, ashamed or weak for what I do NOT do. I do not make killer pies. I will not try to cram too many visits into the day. I will not sacrifice warmth for sexy. I will not feel poorly for not eating food that makes me uncomfortable.

This means not becoming sidetracked by what MORE I could do, what MORE I could give.

I WILL be awake to the thoughts that launch this self-critical spiral.

Because I DO make killer salads. I WILL be present and joyous for the people I do see. I WILL wear something festive. I WILL eat and celebrate food that makes me feel good.

I WILL extend this heartfelt generosity to my family and friends.

I will celebrate who we each ARE, what we DO do, and what we DO give.