Collateral Holiday Damage

Elastic Snowflake PJ Bottoms are Not Your Friend.

Caveat: I am using the second person (you) voice to avoid the (me) reality.

First off, they make you feel comfy, cozy and kind of, cheery. You think… This is a good thing! Finally relaxing. Taking it easy after all the holiday stress! I deserve this.

BUT, in the feel-good vibe of the moment, cookies don’t count. They are merely a sign of festive, holiday love. And what’s better than love? Lot of love. Several days of lots of love. Cheese crackers don’t count either. Neither does wine, spontaneous pizza orders or pounds of roasted almonds. None of it counts, until…

You are second row center of Robin’s Tabata boot camp class Monday morning. Stuffing yourself into the spandex was a little tricky but they were in the dryer, so… you know. You stare into the gym mirror. Is it possible they switched out all the mirrors for fat ones? Maybe in a twisted attempt to increase membership?

You turn profile… Eek! Straight-on… Yikes! Slip one leg behind the other for that slimming three quarter effect. Wow. Okay, so it’s not good. And then it hits you like a giant candy-cane.

You Have Become a Puff Mommy.

Minus the down-ribbed parka. You turn around to avoid your reflection. Staring back at you is a room full of slightly traumatized looking women and a few men. Cabin fever can be extreme, even without the sugar. And then there’s the looming New Year, with its obligatory resolutions or at least suggestion of personal reflection.

You ask yourself, “Did I do anything I set out to do? Am I succeeding in my life? Have I been more patient with my family?” And then there you are, the Puff Mommy (or Diva or Daddy – no one is immune!) looking quizzically back, with, no answers.

NOW is the Time for a Two-Day Turn-Around.

One day more and you could easily become an entirely different person. Scary, but true. You are a mere 24 hours away from complete given-up, couch-dwelling mid-life (no matter where you are in your life) depression.

So, what does the two-day turn-around look like? Mostly, a serious kick in the ass. No cookies. No nuts. No chocolate. No stupid fasting, dieting or failure-assured severity. Plain old-fashioned common sense. Ice cream is out. Three small meals a day. Three small snacks a day. Exercise each day – cardio and weights. It’s just for two days. It’s kind of like a really cold shower. Your system just needs that little shock back into what it knows feels better than non-stop sugar comas.

Now the Hard Part: The pre-New Year’s What AM I Doing with my Life Review.

You have probably run the equivalent of three triathlons, built your version of the pyramids five or six times and managed to wash your hair, occasionally.

BUT, odds are, in your eyes you have fallen miserably short– again. Time for a two-day turn-around. It’s easy to get into a disgusted disgruntled deep-wallowing, self-critical, overwhelming state of paralysis. A sort of modern-day St. Elmo’s Fire “I never thought I’d be this tired by 22.” (fill in your own maybe slightly higher number)

You’re not! Not really. Just shake it off. Think of yourself like a brutal optimist training coach. Accept nothing less than positivity. You’ve done it! You can do it!! And it will be better than you’ve ever imagined!!! It’s just like the food plan. Three small goals a day. Three small mini-me steps. Exercise daily. It helps shake loose the up endorphins. It helps to have a partner as the optimism can make you a little nauseous.