The Gym is Ripe for Satire

Especially mine.

I don’t doubt that Los Angeles, South Beach and parts of Texas probably have better, BUT located in Connecticut’s gold coast, there is enough front row drama, short shorts, implants, affairs and popular instructor groupies to warrant a hit sitcom.

This morning there was a handsome, very tan (probably just back from a yacht in St. Barthes), gentleman in the stretching area. I happen to know through my ‘source’ in public relations that he is married to a profile woman in fashion.

Anyway, I digress.

He got two small balls and one of the giant rubber ones. He then proceeded to place his hands on the two balls in front of him, his feet on the one big one behind him and began doing push-ups.

How funny would it be, I thought, if someone walked by and kicked one of his triad balls out from under him?

The picture made me laugh out loud.

I looked away so as not to be obvious. But I thought, even HE would have to see the humor in it. I considered telling him but when I looked back he was putting away all the balls and proceeding to do normal ball-less push-ups. Sad.

I have these small fantasies on a regular basis.

It’s actually one of the reasons I never did drugs.

I don’t think my imagination could have handled it.

The gym is particularly perfect for staging personally created dramas, BUT, it does rely heavily on physicality and body positions.

For more of a relationship mini-drama, I prefer the grocery store.

It’s especially juicy for imagining love connections or marital spats.

A deli guy hands a slice of horseradish cheese to a middle-aged woman in a colorful sarong with big hoop earrings and no rings. She puts in her mouth, rolls her eyes in a flirty half circle. “Spicy,” she says. “Yes it is,” he replies.

The possibilities are red hot!

OR, take the couple walking far apart through salad fixins’.

She is practically stomping, head tilted so far back, she might be able to see Siberia. He trails behind her, shaking his head side-to-side in incredulous resignation. They pass the baby spinach, the pre-packaged dill when all of a sudden…

What if… she turned around in front of the organic bananas and began berating him about how he could possibly have thought it would be in the kids best interests to cash in their college funds for a speedboat?

Costco is nearly cheating it’s so rich with opportunity.

What will they do with 200 Double AA batteries? Do vibrators work on those? Do they have an upcoming quadruplet birthday party?

Of course, this gross consumption of batteries never occurs to me when I’m purchasing them. Obviously, we have a ‘battery drawer’ for emergency situations like when my aerolatte milk frother dies mid-coffee-making.

Restaurants, especially trendy ones, are ideal for guess what’s going on there?

Retired investment banker with his college granddaughter? Sunday brunch with out-of-town in-laws?

The trick is quitting before it gets personal.